Family Stay

Yesterday was a long day. To top it off, we planned to stay at Xolile's mothers house until Wednesday since our work was in Umlazi, where they lived. When we got to her house after Garey's dinner, everyone, except the kids, were sleeping. We found out that we would be staying in their second room with 3 other people (2 beds, so 3 people to a bed). The routine has been for the week we've been there is to usually get ready for bed by showering, but we also found out that there is no running water in her mother's house (they get water in the community and bring it back to the house). So the shower turned into a "wash down." That was definitely an interesting experience, not to mention there was no light in the bathroom. Good thing I brought a flashlight!

My friend Anne Marie did not enjoy that experience unfortunately. She was kind of freaking out in a joking way. All I could do was laugh. I mean, I was laying in a bed with my two friends with 3 women and 2 kids in the bed next to us. It seemed like people were coming out of the woodworks every 5 minutes in their house! Plus, to have just experienced a wash down in a bathroom with no light, no running water, and no toilet paper- maybe you would laugh too? Or freak out like my friend.

The next morning, I remember hearing the cry of a baby trying to persistently wake me as I tried to fight it. As the sun crept its way to fill the room, my eyes couldn't stay closed anymore, and they opened to the sight of a plump, joyous baby sucking her mom's breasts! Immediately, I startled and closed my eyes, so that the mother would not think I was staring at her. Then I tried opening them again, but in a different direction, only to see Xolile's family all crowd the cramped bedroom to talk and laugh with the women across from us. There must have been at least 10 people in addition to Yasmine, Anne Marie, and I. Talk about feeling overwhelmed.

Forced to awake by comotion in the room and the committment to HIV testing, this Sunday morning was looking to be a little more bumpy than expected. Next thing I know, Anne Marie realizes her eyes are swollen and she can not stop sneezing. "Ugh, something else! Why?" I kept asking myself, as I knew this was the breaking point for her to stay here until Wednesday like planned. Not knowing what to do- with Anne Marie whispering in my ear about her being allergic to the house, and 10 family members crowding the room talking and laughing as the music in the living room continue to blare through the walls--- I just smiled.
All I could do was smile and pretend that everything as okay when I really just wanted everyone to leave so that I could close my eyes and sleep it off. Anne Marie eventually talked to Xoliland Xolile decided that we go back to her place across town to rest. In between the time of us leacing, music was blasting, food was cooking, family members were chatting, and we just sat in the bedroom uncomfortable, tired, and not feeling sociable. I felt really bad, but at the same time I knew that I couldn't help how I felt.

Last night, Garey made a good point that is we waited to slowly ease into this culture, we would miss this opportunity, for a month is not a long time! However, all that went out the window because that morning was just too much.

Somehow, I pushed myself to go into the kitchen and see if they needed any help. One of the younger sisters said I could do the dishes, but that was a short-lived dream when her mom said something in Zulu about wanting me to rest today. So my attempt to be with the family somehow and connect epically failed, and I found myelf back in the room.

By the time we got back to Stanger, I was extremely exhausted and did not want to think about anything. However, when I went to lay down, I found myself trying to find something to do. At the time, the internet was not working, so I couldn't email anyone familiar in the US :(

Having the time to think more, Garey did make a good point that as much as we're getting from this experience, the people we interact with are also getting something out of it- the opportunity to learn about me and where I come from. I guess I can be very private at times- I really don't share many things about myself unless someone asks. At first, I thought this was because I know some people who are an open book and sometimes that can get old for the people listening. I definitely never want to be that person!

My time in South Africa has been super short, but Xolile has already shared some life changing events that
have happened in her life. Is she an open book? Is she trying to share things about her life as they relate to culture in South Africa? Maybe it's both, but I know that I have done none of the above to help her learn about me and my culture.

I am like that with a lot of people back home though, and I have come a long way to being better with those really close to me, but I imagine I can still do more to open myelf up.
As I lay here, I realize that life is truly about the small moments...
　
Relaxing....
as cars zoom by
as people chatter outside in a language I don't understand
as a Muslim man chants a prayer on the intercom for the community to hear
as I hear my friend in the bed next to me texting those that she misses in the US
as I breathe in and out worrying if I will snore when I drift off to sleep
as my mind wants to think, but my body wants to sleep
Relaxing.....

Culture Shock?!?

I never thought I would ever be the type of person to experience culture shock, but it can, in fact, happen to any and everyone in it's own special way :)

Personally, I have come to realize that I like to take a lot of things in- what people say, how people think or feel, different environments, etc etc etc and this includes how I feel and how I think most of the time.

Garey, a faculty member at Mason who helped us set up the internship logistics while in South Africa, also gave up many days of his vacation to make sure we were getting acclamated to life in South Africa. I'd like to think that we have been a very nice enhancement of his vacation :)

Sadly enough, our last day with Garey came at, what seemed, a sudden abrupt. We were just ending a long day with community members and students at the university, when we were taken to dinner, which Garey treated us to. At this "end of our time" dinner, he really gave us a long spiel about pushing ourselves out of our "Americaness," which I guess could be comfort zone for simplicity.

He noticed in just a few short days how we have already stayed safe, whether it was talking about things in the US like school or work and how we often stay together rather than go off and talk to individuals on our own. "Integrating into this culture," as he says, sounded easier than put into action! I was actually very shocked when he told us we were playing it safe, because I felt like for me to be experiencing jetlag, new food, new people, new places, and a new home for a month, I was doing pretty darn good for myself! I actually could feel myself getting upset!

Then I began to think, was this what culture shock felt like? Of course, I heard the term culture shock in class, but never imagined ME to actually experience it....What does it feel like?? I guess this was it! Garey shared observations that he personally saw with me as well, like how when things happen, I will just smile but it's obvious that there is something else going on with me underneath. He even mentioned how sometimes he can't read me!

I have heard of this before, but I did not realize how apparent it was. Now that all these new things were happening, I was definitely enjoying myself, but I never gave myself a chance to actually process what was happening.

I do not have a problem addressing issues or if I am not comfortable with something, but I have noticed that if I don't have time to process how I feel, I will cover up not knowing with a smile for the moment. Not sure if that makes sense, but when I tried explaining this to them, I felt like an idiot! Like, "you're a 21 year old woman who doesn't know how she feels?!?" The more I think about it though, the more it makes sense....

When it comes to wearing my emotions on my sleeves, I guess I really don't as much as I think I do, and that's mainly because I don't process how I am feeling when things are happening; I'll tuck the situation in the back of my mind to process later...but then I don't process it later! I've gotten so used to going going going and doing doing doing or worrying more about how other people are feeling, that I simply don't take the time to stop and think, "Sarina, how are you feeling at this very moment? What are your thoughts on what someone just said?

Even within a week's time, I have realized that my experience of culture shock is only helping me to challenge my own manuerisms in this new culture and in my own. The more I am being pushed outside of myself, my culture, and "world," the more I can integrate into this new culture and connect with those that I encounter during my time here.

All Eyes on US!

Yesterday and today I've been experiencing jetlag like no other! I did not want to get out of bed and in the afternoon I just want to crash!

We were invited to go to a conference the day before and present on the importance of giving- we were all like "What! You want us to present for an hour tomorrow!" It was like how could we say no, so we did it. It was very awkward at first and we talked about our experiences with service learning and how its helping to open opportunities for the future after college, then we split them up into groups to get a more intimate session and have them compose questions that we would then go over as a large group...it was kind of a waste of time because the students already graduated and they are just worried about getting a job...so we were kinda just like "keep your head up." Wish we had known that from the beginning...

Once we were done, they began a video on leadership so we left, but then they ran after us saying "wait, we have a token of our appreciation." They had us come back in the conference room, turned off the video, and made everyone watch them say how thankful they are and how much we did (which was nothing it seemed) and then they made everyone get up for a group photo....in the US they would have been like "oh they left, too bad" and would have kept going on with the program....i felt so bad, but Garey said this happens alllll the time.

Today we went to a protest type event and one of the people we're working with was suppose to speak on HIV in their country. Of course, right before he went on stage he asked us to talk about HIV in the US. We should have known... i couldnt say no but I really just wanted a chance to observe. Anne Marie, one of my friends on the trip, didnt go up, but luckily my other friend Yasmine joined me. Right afterIi said my name the huge crowd started talking and pointing to the back-at the time i just thought they didnt wanna hear me talk so it was kind of embarrassing. It turns out there was someone else's name who sounded like Sarina, but i made mine shorter with the thought that they didn't want to hear me. Yasmine got up and talked alittle bit about HIV in caribbean, where she's from, which was nice.

After another experience of being asked to present and talk, I am now just always going to be prepared to talk in front of large groups, because I am coming to learn that they love hearing foreigners talk about the similarities between the US and South Africa. It'll hopefuly also help me get over the freak out session I have before speaking in front of large groups!!!

Zulu

So it's definitely day 3 of my trip to south africa and I already feel like i have been here for about 2 weeks! Every since we landed, Garey has been showing us new places in Durban and meeting new instrumental people to the community of Durban and those close to him and Xolile, the lady we are staying with.

I have been in awe with how beautiful this country is and diversity within the people. The biggest surprise that I have experience thus far is how diverse south africans are. Yes, there are blacks and whites here, but specifically within the black community, everyone looks so different! There are so many variations of bone structure and shade of skin, and I am just amazed!

Garey and so many other south africans have mentioned how Yasmine, Anne Marie, and I all look like we are from here, and I could not believe it. I mean, although  we are black, South Africans definitely have a bone structure that I do not have! Whenever we go somewhere, people will start talking to me in Zulu, and, although I am no where near even getting the greeting down in Zulu, they assume that I am a Zulu woman! I remember walking into a gas station and the cashier apologizing saying, "Oh, I thought you were Zulu.....where are you from?!?" when I was freaking out in my mind because I felt like they could spot me as an American, or at least not from here, from a mile away! I don't think I will ever get used to it.
It's crazy because I feel as if this is the first time where a community assumes that I am "one of them" and, although I do not feel apart of the community, granted I just got here, it sure does feel a whole lot better than communities at my school and hometown!

The men are realllly friendly as well! Wedding offers have been very common around us. Here, the process of marrying a woman is called Lebota, and the man basically has to buy the female and negotiate with the family how much she is worth. So far a guy has said he will save up for 50 cows, 500,000 rans, for me!!!!! ;)

During my time here and talking with community workers for HIV services, I have felt like I am where I am suppose to be. Everything has been falling into place it seems, and, as I continue to think more about my time after graduating in the fall, I have been thinking a lot about the work I am currently experiencing and how this can help me confidently find a direction for my final year in undergrad.

As the end of the week approaches, we will be partaking in Youth Day, which celebrates the revolution of the youth in a township called Soweto a few decades ago. There will be church events, games, food, fun, dancing, etc etc etc and we'll be hopping around the place!
Until next time...