Family Stay

Yesterday was a long day. To top it off, we planned to stay at Xolile's mothers house until Wednesday since our work was in Umlazi, where they lived. When we got to her house after Garey's dinner, everyone, except the kids, were sleeping. We found out that we would be staying in their second room with 3 other people (2 beds, so 3 people to a bed). The routine has been for the week we've been there is to usually get ready for bed by showering, but we also found out that there is no running water in her mother's house (they get water in the community and bring it back to the house). So the shower turned into a "wash down." That was definitely an interesting experience, not to mention there was no light in the bathroom. Good thing I brought a flashlight!

My friend Anne Marie did not enjoy that experience unfortunately. She was kind of freaking out in a joking way. All I could do was laugh. I mean, I was laying in a bed with my two friends with 3 women and 2 kids in the bed next to us. It seemed like people were coming out of the woodworks every 5 minutes in their house! Plus, to have just experienced a wash down in a bathroom with no light, no running water, and no toilet paper- maybe you would laugh too? Or freak out like my friend.

The next morning, I remember hearing the cry of a baby trying to persistently wake me as I tried to fight it. As the sun crept its way to fill the room, my eyes couldn't stay closed anymore, and they opened to the sight of a plump, joyous baby sucking her mom's breasts! Immediately, I startled and closed my eyes, so that the mother would not think I was staring at her. Then I tried opening them again, but in a different direction, only to see Xolile's family all crowd the cramped bedroom to talk and laugh with the women across from us. There must have been at least 10 people in addition to Yasmine, Anne Marie, and I. Talk about feeling overwhelmed.

Forced to awake by comotion in the room and the committment to HIV testing, this Sunday morning was looking to be a little more bumpy than expected. Next thing I know, Anne Marie realizes her eyes are swollen and she can not stop sneezing. "Ugh, something else! Why?" I kept asking myself, as I knew this was the breaking point for her to stay here until Wednesday like planned. Not knowing what to do- with Anne Marie whispering in my ear about her being allergic to the house, and 10 family members crowding the room talking and laughing as the music in the living room continue to blare through the walls--- I just smiled.
All I could do was smile and pretend that everything as okay when I really just wanted everyone to leave so that I could close my eyes and sleep it off. Anne Marie eventually talked to Xoliland Xolile decided that we go back to her place across town to rest. In between the time of us leacing, music was blasting, food was cooking, family members were chatting, and we just sat in the bedroom uncomfortable, tired, and not feeling sociable. I felt really bad, but at the same time I knew that I couldn't help how I felt.

Last night, Garey made a good point that is we waited to slowly ease into this culture, we would miss this opportunity, for a month is not a long time! However, all that went out the window because that morning was just too much.

Somehow, I pushed myself to go into the kitchen and see if they needed any help. One of the younger sisters said I could do the dishes, but that was a short-lived dream when her mom said something in Zulu about wanting me to rest today. So my attempt to be with the family somehow and connect epically failed, and I found myelf back in the room.

By the time we got back to Stanger, I was extremely exhausted and did not want to think about anything. However, when I went to lay down, I found myself trying to find something to do. At the time, the internet was not working, so I couldn't email anyone familiar in the US :(

Having the time to think more, Garey did make a good point that as much as we're getting from this experience, the people we interact with are also getting something out of it- the opportunity to learn about me and where I come from. I guess I can be very private at times- I really don't share many things about myself unless someone asks. At first, I thought this was because I know some people who are an open book and sometimes that can get old for the people listening. I definitely never want to be that person!

My time in South Africa has been super short, but Xolile has already shared some life changing events that
have happened in her life. Is she an open book? Is she trying to share things about her life as they relate to culture in South Africa? Maybe it's both, but I know that I have done none of the above to help her learn about me and my culture.

I am like that with a lot of people back home though, and I have come a long way to being better with those really close to me, but I imagine I can still do more to open myelf up.
As I lay here, I realize that life is truly about the small moments...
　
Relaxing....
as cars zoom by
as people chatter outside in a language I don't understand
as a Muslim man chants a prayer on the intercom for the community to hear
as I hear my friend in the bed next to me texting those that she misses in the US
as I breathe in and out worrying if I will snore when I drift off to sleep
as my mind wants to think, but my body wants to sleep
Relaxing.....